Loving One Another

Posts tagged ‘marriage’

Practicing for Divorce


No, I am not practicing for divorce!
After 58 eventful years of marriage, it’s too late to give up now!!

February 11, 1962

But life is not a bed of roses (or carnations!)
And marriage is not easy!
Nobody promised it would be.

Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com

Sometimes we get mad at one another.
Sometimes we disappoint one another.
Sometimes we don’t understand
where the other one is coming from!

Yes, I make Bob wonder lots of times!

What Families Know

In his devotional today on Bayside Church’s on-line “Refuel,”
Andrew McCourt talked about marriage and relationships.


He titled his message, “What Families Know,” and he said,

“People who aren’t married do married things…
they are lovers practicing for divorce.”

It’s an age-old problem!

Love Without Commitment

For as long as life began – back to the days of Adam and Eve – men and women have found a way to “find each other’s cracks.” And eventually pouring into that crack can burst the container!

Eve found Adam’s crack!
And look what happened…

Andrew McCourt offered some suggestions for how to relate to one another in genuine love that does not seek to “find the crack” – but rather seeks to FILL AND FULFILL.

Andrew said something to this effect,

“What successful married folks know is this:
there is an order to successful relationships.

First, you stand together shoulder to shoulder
(Don’t let kids or anyone else get between you).

Second, you stand or sit together face-to-face
(You look each other in the eye and you communicate).

Third, you do the bellybutton-to-bellybutton thing
(You love each other emotionally and physically).”

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Reverse Order

Andrew said, “When we get that order of things reversed, that’s when we start Practicing for Divorce.”

When did this whole thing of living together first to try it out before getting married come into being?

I have a biased (informed, of course) opinion about that! I think “Three’s Company” is the culprit.

Photo by Fikayo Aderoju on Pexels.com

Living Together Out of Wedlock

I couldn’t find a picture of those three folks (a guy and two gals) who lived together in an apartment in NYC on a TV show back in the 70’s or early 80’s, but it was funny and popular and it made it look like it was okay for unmarried people of the opposite sex to live together. “Three’s Company” was one of my mom’s favorite shows. And she would be considered a prude by today’s standards.

When my niece lived with a guy before marriage in NYC, my mom said it was a great idea because it made her safer in an unsafe city!

See how media can change our idea of right and wrong?

Ah, here: I found a video. It was a darling TV show!

Bayside’s “Refuel” Podcast

If you want to hear Andrew McCourt himself
and his actual words on the subject,
try this link:
bit.ly/devo021020
I have that on my iPhone and it takes me there.

On With My Day

‘Tis time for me to get on with my day. Tomorrow is our actual anniversary… 58 years. It’s not always been a bed of roses, but the key ingredient always has been there:

RESPECT

Yup, that’s the bottom line!
So, whatever your relationship…
whether it’s three’s company,
living with your lover,
or married,
keep that RESPECT alive!

And there are a few other tips
for how to keep from practicing for divorce, too.
I’ll save those for tomorrow.

Thanks for visiting JanBeek
I hope I haven’t offended any of you out there.

See ya later!

Keep the Spark Alive


Next Tuesday Bob & I will celebrate our 58th anniversary.
We still have that spark alive and well!
We started celebrating already
by going to a wonderful
“Food & Wine Pairing Event” last night.

Later today, when Zach, the coordinator of the event, sends me pictures, I will share the photos of the various plates with you. They were small portions, but delicious and beautifully presented. No one left hungry. It was quite something!

The venue was the lovely Madison Valley Ranch on Jeffers, MT

Bob thoroughly enjoyed his conversation with our friend, Els, afterward. During the meal he got to sit next to Doug Badenoch, the wine guru from The Wine Gallery in Bozeman, MT. Doug was the one who chose the wine pairings. He did a great job.

Here’s Matt, the chef.
He did a great job, too!

Today is a snowy, cold day in Ennis. It’s a good day to stay hunkered inside.

Gotcha in prayer.
God knows your needs.
I’m asking Him to hold you.
He will.
Believe it!

Keep the Spark Alive…

See ya later.

Ten Ways to Keep Marriage Alive


Ten Ways to Keep Marriage Alive

 

accessory anniversary band celebration

Bob and I have been married more than 57 years. Our love for one another is more alive today than it ever has been. (I read that statement to him just now and asked if he agreed. Of course, he said, “Of course,” That’s part of the secret, guys! Ya gotta readily agree on things like that!)

How do we do it? How do we keep love alive after all these years? What is a healthy marriage anyway?

Jane Smiley, in her book, At Paradise Gate, wrote the following:

“You know what getting married is? It’s agreeing to take this person who right now is at the top of his form, full of hopes and ideas, feeling good, wildly interested in you because you’re the same way, and sticking by him while he slowly disintegrates. And he does the same for you. You’re his responsibility now, and he is yours. If no one else will take care of him, you will. If everyone else rejects you, he won’t.

What do you think love is? Going to bed all the time? Poo! Don’t be weak. Have some spine! He’s yours and you’re his. He doesn’t beat you or abuse you, and you’ve made the same bargain. Now that you know what it’s like to be married, now that all the gold leaf has sort of worn off, you can make something of it; you can really learn to love each other.”

I love that take on marriage by Jane Smiley. It coincides with my opinion on what it takes to make a marriage work. Here is my list:
Ten Constant Steps toward Being Married Happily Ever After:

  1. Accept and Respect one another’s differences, and celebrate your areas of sameness.
  2. Stick by one another – even as you slowly disintegrate.
  3. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Be forgiving.
  4. Defend one another to a hostile world.
  5. Be strong in your faith; pray and laugh and play together.
  6. Be a diligent partner, doing more than your share without bitterness or resentment or complaint.
  7. Praise one another for the little things.
  8. Never take one another for granted.
  9. Always be trustworthy; don’t stab one another in the back!
  10. Practice the art of compromise – with God as your Constant Guide.

Keep Learning

Yes, when all the gold leaf has sort of worn off and you’re each comfortable in your own space, keep the space open and inviting. Invite one another in. Keep on learning to love one another as long as you both shall live.

You’re in this box together. You’re in it for the long haul. Enjoy the ride!

box cheerful color cute

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

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Hang tight!!


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See ya later.

 

Holding Hands


Everything I ever needed to know
I learned in kindergarten!
Never stop holding hands!

Bob helped me down the steep Mount Baldy hillside

Holding hands is underrated
It’s akin to holding hearts
When you stop holding hands
That’s when the trouble starts

Dancing with your loved one
In the kitchen or bedroom
Keeps your relationship fresh
As when you were bride and groom

Expressing how I love you
In words both clear and sweet
Helps our love stay fresh as
The day you swept me off my feet

You know, I never ever want to
Take our love, Honey, for granted.
Hand-holding, dancing, expressing –
Grows our love right where we’re planted.

80th birthday bouquet

No need to buy me flowers
Although a rose or two don’t hurt
Just hold my hand, kiss me, and
Remember how I love it when you flirt!

My sweet husband of 57 1/2 years
Never stop holding my hand!

I wish you love

See you tomorrow

How Do We Stay Together?


Happy 19th Anniversary to Ed & Maria!

Ed & Maria Platt

Happy 55th Anniversary to Bruce & Ann

Bruce & Ann Beekman

Happy 57th Anniversary, Bonnie & Stan

Bonnie (Beekman) & Stan Hunt

Happy 60th Anniversary, Marge & Bill !!

Bill & Marge Beekman

And Happy 57th Anniversary (58 in February) to Bob & me
– as we enjoy this 80th year of our lives
– and celebrate our togetherness
– and thank God for our health

Jan & Bob – How’d ya do it?

How do couple stay together so long?

That’s a question Bill & Marge were asked at our granddaughter, Faith’s wedding when the 4 Beekman couples were the last ones left on the dance floor after the disk jockey (DJ) said, “All couples married less than 55 years sit down.”

Wow! Here we were… eight old farts still standing, still dancing, still together.

Marge Beekman’s answer was, “Never go to bed mad at each other.”

Bill Beekman was asked for his answer. He said, “I agree with Marge.

The DJ said, “Did you see that? Did you hear that? He let her answer first and then he just agreed with her. There’s the secret to a long married life!”

Are There Other Secrets?

Well, if he had asked me, “How have you stayed together for 57 years?” I would have answered with not just one, but TEN ideas! (He would have had to cut me off!)

These ideas have worked for us in our long marriage – and have contributed to my ability to tell you, “We’re not just still together, but I love him more today than I did the day we married.”

What Are the Tips for Longevity in Relationships?

  1. Pray together – make the Lord central in your relationship – ask Him to guide your days and help you with every decision. Listen for His Holy Spirit to speak to you and help you as you walk daily in His Will to the best of your abilities.
  2. Give each other space – you are a couple, but you are also people with your own ideas, your own needs, and your own agendas. Allow each other the right to make individual decisions and keep your own identities bright and alive. We even have separate checking accounts. As long as the household needs are met, I don’t have to account to him for every penny of my retirement money that I spend… and likewise, his retirement play money is his to play with as he chooses. Give each other individual freedoms!!
  3. Listen to one another – really hear! Care about what the other thinks and find out why he/she really believes that. Never stop learning from one another.
  4. Go to church together – find a worship community and cultivate their friendships. We are Christians – and we want you to be able to see that in our love for one another and our love for YOU. “They will know we are Christians by our love ❤ ” is not just a song we love to sing, but a life we strive to live. Our Christian friends are our support system, our help in time of need, our prayer partners. There is no friend like the long-term friends you make under the cross of Jesus!
  5. Play together – you may each have your own idea of what “fun” is (He fishes, I don’t. I love movies & popcorn, he doesn’t. He skis, I don’t. I go to Writer’s Group each Friday, he doesn’t. He loves yard work … or at least does it masterfully, I don’t. I love to volunteer at the Sr. Center, the Medical Center, help seniors in need, he doesn’t.) You get the idea. But we love to go riding on the Montana mountain trails with friends in our ATV – and we love entertaining friends in our home, hosting over-nighters for a week or a month or even a year in our home. We love going out to Dave’s Sushi or enjoying a BBQed dinner with fine wine at home. The idea is, find your areas of commonality and play happily together!
  6. Treasure and Appreciate One Another – Bob’s nickname for me (he has many, but my favorite ) is “Precious.” I appreciate his expressions of love and affection and his readiness to show appreciation. He often comments on things like, “My, you look pretty today!” or “I like the way you added that spice to the ______ (fill in the blank) for dinner tonight.” In return I try not to take for granted his beautiful yard work or the delicious waffles he makes for breakfast or his warm and plentiful hugs. Thank you is such an important word in any relationship!
  7. Love One Another even when you don’t Like each other! None of us is perfect. We often do things to “piss each other off!” It could be something as simple as leaving the toilet seat up or not putting the lid back on the toothpaste. Or it could be a major thing like staying out late without saying you were going to do so – and not calling to say where you are. Showing LOVE for one another is treating your partner the way you want to be treated and expressing yourself clearly without anger (if possible) when your expectations are not met. Loving is compromising and not always expecting things to go your way. Love is forgiving and trying NOT to be the annoying one in the relationship!
  8. Be Kind and Compassionate – Yes, we all make mistakes. We do stupid things. We say things we wish we could take back. When we are at our worst, that’s when we need kindness most. It’s when our partner is at his/her worst that we find it most difficult to be kind in return. But harshness begets hatred and ugliness begets violence. Our response is crucial. Of course, there are caustic relationships that are unhealthy and are not meant to be sustained. No one is called to be a doormat. My heart goes out to those who are in relationships with those who inflict mental or physical abuse. Especially when help is offered, but refused. Sometimes leaving is the most loving option. Kindness/Compassion is a two-way street!
  9. Trust! – Without mutual trust, the relationship is doomed! My husband, Bob’s ski buddy is Nancy. She is a 50-something dynamo who is a ball of energy and fun. She’s a fantastic skier and loves to do those double diamond runs – just like Bob does. If I didn’t trust Bob, I could be jealous of the time they spend together on the slopes and I could conjure up all sorts of images of what I think might or might not be happening. But, Bob & I always have lived with mutual trust – and so instead of worrying, I treasure Nancy’s friendship, too. I love getting together whenever we can with her and her fun-loving husband, Dan. In fact, she’s the one I told you about a few days ago when I said I wanted to adopt a Daughter #4. You gotta trust – and in that confidence enjoy a multitude of friendships and a plethora of opportunities you might miss otherwise!
  10. Respect! – It’s the bottom line. Without mutual respect, you may as well call it a day NOW. I have been around couples where one of them is so disrespectful to his/her partner that it smells up the room. The air is so caustic, you don’t want to be within ten miles of ’em. You want to shake ’em and wake ’em up to what they are doing to one another – or what one is doing to the other. But, rarely does intervention help. You sigh, shake your head, and vow not to ever do that to YOUR loved one. That’s a vow worth keeping if your relationship is worth having! ALWAYS show respect to your partner… and while you’re at it, respect yourself. God don’t make no junk … you’re a treasure!

God Bless You

I love you

See ya tomorrow

Who Gives This Bride?


Tearfully and joyfully our son said, “Her mother and I do.”

The Father-Daughter dance:

The misty-eyed mom:

I’m with the bride’s other grandma & a best friend… enjoying the festivities.

Congratulations to the adorable new Mr & Mrs McSparron!

It was an amazing wedding day.

God Bless You, Kyle & Faith.

What a beautiful day!

We had an early celebration of my 80th. So fun!

All the Beekman siblings & their spouses gathered. All four couples have been married 55 years or more! A great legacy for the newlyweds!

How was your day, my friends?

See ya tomorrow.

Commitment


Commitment

Haiku x5

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The groom is a sport
With a great sense of humor
Ready to get hitched

Wedding rehearsal
Was a time for family fun
Commitment displayed

You take my hand, dear
And we’ll begin life anew
You and me as one

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You save the first dance
And the last dance for me, too
Always, I’ll love you!

Today’s the wedding
God is smiling on this day
Two families are one.

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Here is Kyle’s dear mom, Lisa.
What a joy to be joined to the McSparron family!

Time to promise anew
to honor family and

our commitment to each other.

God bless YOU
and YOUR FAMILY.

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See ya later.
JanBeek

 

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