No, I am not practicing for divorce!
After 58 eventful years of marriage, it’s too late to give up now!!
But life is not a bed of roses (or carnations!)
And marriage is not easy!
Nobody promised it would be.
Sometimes we get mad at one another.
Sometimes we disappoint one another.
Sometimes we don’t understand
where the other one is coming from!
What Families Know
In his devotional today on Bayside Church’s on-line “Refuel,”
Andrew McCourt talked about marriage and relationships.
He titled his message, “What Families Know,” and he said,
“People who aren’t married do married things…
they are lovers practicing for divorce.”
Love Without Commitment
For as long as life began – back to the days of Adam and Eve – men and women have found a way to “find each other’s cracks.” And eventually pouring into that crack can burst the container!
Eve found Adam’s crack!
And look what happened…
Andrew McCourt offered some suggestions for how to relate to one another in genuine love that does not seek to “find the crack” – but rather seeks to FILL AND FULFILL.
Andrew said something to this effect,
“What successful married folks know is this:
there is an order to successful relationships.
First, you stand together shoulder to shoulder
(Don’t let kids or anyone else get between you).
Second, you stand or sit together face-to-face
(You look each other in the eye and you communicate).
Third, you do the bellybutton-to-bellybutton thing
(You love each other emotionally and physically).”
Reverse Order
Andrew said, “When we get that order of things reversed, that’s when we start Practicing for Divorce.”
When did this whole thing of living together first to try it out before getting married come into being?
I have a biased (informed, of course) opinion about that! I think “Three’s Company” is the culprit.
Living Together Out of Wedlock
I couldn’t find a picture of those three folks (a guy and two gals) who lived together in an apartment in NYC on a TV show back in the 70’s or early 80’s, but it was funny and popular and it made it look like it was okay for unmarried people of the opposite sex to live together. “Three’s Company” was one of my mom’s favorite shows. And she would be considered a prude by today’s standards.
When my niece lived with a guy before marriage in NYC, my mom said it was a great idea because it made her safer in an unsafe city!
See how media can change our idea of right and wrong?
Ah, here: I found a video. It was a darling TV show!
Bayside’s “Refuel” Podcast
If you want to hear Andrew McCourt himself
and his actual words on the subject,
try this link:
bit.ly/devo021020
I have that on my iPhone and it takes me there.
On With My Day
‘Tis time for me to get on with my day. Tomorrow is our actual anniversary… 58 years. It’s not always been a bed of roses, but the key ingredient always has been there:
RESPECT
Yup, that’s the bottom line!
So, whatever your relationship…
whether it’s three’s company,
living with your lover,
or married,
keep that RESPECT alive!
And there are a few other tips
for how to keep from practicing for divorce, too.
I’ll save those for tomorrow.
I hope I haven’t offended any of you out there.
See ya later!
Comments on: "Practicing for Divorce" (9)
At the young age of 26 I discovered sadly the marriage certificate does not necessarily equal respect or commitment. My unmarried (live-in) relationship now has more abundance of love, respect, and commitment than my married one ever did, and, after several years we are still happy together! To each their own love, and congratulations on your 58 wonderful years together. I’m so happy I’ve found your blog full of much positivity that this world needs. Hugs from the UK.
Your candid response symbolizes exactly why I ended my blog with the comment that RESPECT is the key to all healthy relationships. I respect your answer, your choice to live a life of love and joy with your soul-mate, and the obvious commitment you enjoy that was sadly missing in your marriage. I totally understand… and please do not feel I am judging or condemning you. On the contrary, God bless you… I respect you for your honesty and your positivity; and I wish you a lifetime of continued love and joy. Thank you so much for responding!! <3
Loved this blog post and the points you made about the necessary ingredients for a happy marriage. You and Bob have always been a shining example of respect, caring, and love in a marriage. Love you, Michele & Devon
Oh my goodness! What a pleasure and a surprise to have my special friends, my sweet friends, these dear people from my past, reading and commenting on my blog!! Thank you, Michele & Devon, I love you! Thank you for your kind remarks. I hope Devon is over that nasty bug that attacked him in January! Hugs to both of you. <3 <3
Congratulations on 58 years!! Keep it going! After spending 25 years in the practice of law and doing hundreds of divorces and other family law types of cases, it is so encouraging and refreshing to find those that are keeping the “respect” alive and well. Congrats on your blog as well. Your non-judgmental approach is so needed right now.
Thank you! I appreciate your affirmation so much!
everyone needs to understand the basic human nature to make any relationship work , and timely analytical help can resolve most of the issues
The keys are “timely” and “analytical,” right? In that analytical word are intelligence, skill, compassion, and a whole lot of other ingredients that make the intervention successful, right? One of them has to be “willingness” on both sides, right?
for most of us , for most of time , our mind has been accustomed to think only from our point of view.most of us get comfort from the idea that we have not contributed anything to the problems that we face , it is the other person who is to blame .if any person is made to realize the dynamic of the other person , why he/she does , the things he /she does or the way he/she does then a postive start can be made , and the solutions can be built up from that .